I haven’t posted anything in a while, and I think I know why–
My heart has been way too full.
It has been high tide and a full moon in the world of Grace and there has been no space for beachcombing, no room for sorting through the daily castings of seaweed, searching for the pearl…
Insert appropriate metaphor here.
My dad is recovering from a profound and unexpected dive toward, well, the deeps. — I truly feared I would never get to talk with him again, and the reality of course is we never, never know– about any of our beloveds– that we will.
A deep health scare regarding my sweetsmart niece drove that one home…
As if the crazy, unspeakable horrors of Newtown didn’t break every heart, didn’t make every child glow in our adult vision, through our tears, so innocent and vulnerable and sacred…
The Christmas-making this year is very soft, and strangely deep. I see Alden on the cusp of new social realities. New ways of understanding that the way WE do it is… the way WE do it. His play with us rides a fenceline between cuddling and aggression. He didn’t want to write a letter to Santa this year… but I saw the way he eyed the Star Wars Lego paraphenalia at a schoolmate’s recent birthday party. He wanted to open his Lego Advent Calendar first thing every day ( gift from our across-the-street-neighbors– their son had been given two)— but he had as much fun opening the cardboard window calendar and having me and Josh guess what the picture was.
I want to treasure up all these things, and ponder them in my heart.
I’ve spoken with my dad only a few times since his scary dive…. and he told me most recently that he has had a very profound experience during this time… the gist of which was “No Bullshit.”
Have I mentioned that I love my dad?
But, really, put in other words, isn’t that awesome?
The meaning of life is to live it.
Life is what is happening to you when you make other plans.
Dare to be True–what can need a lie? A fault, which needs it most, grows to two thereby.
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?
(apologies to Henry Thoreau, Mary Oliver, George Herbert, John Lennon, and anyone else I should cite here. :))