Spare change

“He’s changing again…”

Of course, he always is, but it seems more apparant at times.

There has been more insistent snuggling, which immediately turns into hard pushing and pulling, wrestling, more testing than hugging. There have been a lot of yelled “O-KAY!!!!!!” responses to (what we thought were) standard requests for pjs, tooth brushing, getting dressed, etc. Normal shit.

There has been a lot of (from our perspective) overreaction to (from our perspective) “little things”.

So…  my completely inexpert but somewhat informed opinion is:

He’s changing. He’s growing, and struggling to feel right in his own skin, self, and space.

And, as always, we parents are incredibly, unbelieveably slow to adapt.

Which makes sense– after all, we spent a good chunk of time figuring out the last stage of operations, sorting out through trial and google search and error and trial and conversations and trial and success…what “works”… And when we come up with a phrase, or a system, or a ritual or a routine or a process that “works”… DAMN, we parents hate to see it go.

Know who doesn’t hate to see it go? Our child.

Because as soon as they realize we have a system…or a systematic response… or anything less than our actual, full, engaged presence and attention, they will make it abundantly clear they will be satisfied with nothing less than THAT: Our actual fucking engagement.

With actual THEM.

In the actual moment, in the actual place where that person IS.

When you think about it, who doesn’t want that?




4 thoughts on “Spare change

  1. It seems that every time i think i have it figured out it changes. I just told my husband that i don’t think i can go past 9. Everything beyond 9 seems so big and then I think to myself how is this beautiful boy that was born with an old soul going to handle this? He feels everything, he gives and yet he is polite, amazing and has more charm than boys his age usually have. The changes that are coming are going to be big but hopefully I can move through them with him….gracefully.

    • Estella, wow— it’s so true. There are BIG changes ahead. Your beautiful kids are going to be teenagers someday. I guess mine will too. Phew. I guess it’s always the same– keep being present. I still think I’ll have these intense “catch-up” moments of *realizing* he’s changing– but it’s happening incrementally every day.

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