Weekends

I always imagine weekends. I imagine them full of chores and projects, friends and fun, music and magic.

I imagine outdoor raking and tending and indoors clutter-swooping.

I imagine lazy reading of books, industrious planning of meals and paying of bills and mopping of floors.

I imagine cozy potlucks with the neighborhood gang, long walks with the dogs, baking bread, snuggling with Josh, maybe taking the canoe out.

I imagine gigs gigs gigs, swirling dancing folks howling at the moon, under neon lights or Montana stars, bandmates hurtling each other higher into the ecstatic space of creating joy and music together.

It’s such a trap to want them all at once.

Some weekends skeew homey, and bread baking, book reading, and lego-building are about the size of it. And I’ll find myself feeling antsy– We should DO something!!

Some weekends skew friendly, and we see friends Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and the kitchen is a chaos of potluck makins. And I’ll find myself feeling saturated– I want some time ALONE!

Some weekends skew giggish, and I’ll scramble on Friday from work to a gig and then to another, late night gig, needing to sleep in and only up for a few hours before off to another gig and a third gig on Sunday to boot. And I’ll find myself feeling tired– I love this, but YIKES!

Some weekends skew adventurish, and we’ll motivate out there with canoes or backpacks and load load gear and unload unload gear. And I’ll find myself feeling CLUTTERED as a way to start the week.

Some weekends skew chore-ish, and we’ll goad or tempt each other into tackling something and we’ll make a big push to accomplish one small piece of the endless and growing to do list. And I’ll find myself feeling RESENTFUL. Weekend of chores.

And then I imagine weekends, and imagine all the possibilities at once. And I sometimes feel OVERHELMED by how much there is to do, both in terms of Shoulds, and Wants.

But sometimes, I breathe a little deeper, and look with a little more love and peace in my heart and I do, I actually sometimes do, realize all the weekends aren’t meant to cram into one.

And all the dissatisfied feelings that come from any ONE weekend’s skew– that’s a piece of wanting it ALL all at once, instead of being immersed in the good that is, each weekend, no matter which kind.